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What are the essential qualities of a great and healthy relationship? Communication and conflict resolution skills are certainly at the top of the list.

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Having spoken with hundreds of couples on applying meditative wisdom to their relationships, I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news, you probably know already: relationships are uncomfortable, from beginning to end. Because discomfort does not mean you or your partner is doing something wrong. Life is uncomfortable.

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They might be 30, or They come in all colors, shapes, sizes and income brackets. Whatever the demographics, when you see a happy couple, you just know it!

How do these couples stay in love, in good times and in bad? A deeper, richer relationship, and one that should still include romance, will replace it.

A long-term relationship has ups and downs, and expecting it will be all sunny and roses all the time is unrealistic. An untended garden develops weeds that can ultimately kill even the heartiest plants. And so it is with relationships.

It is important to address problems and misunderstandings immediately. Some people believe good relationships just happen naturally. The truth is that a good relationship, like anything you want to succeed in life, must be worked on and tended to on a regular basis.

Neglect the relationship, and it will often go downhill. There is no substitute for shared quality time. Time spent together should be doing a shared activity, not just watching television.

Perhaps going against conventional wisdom, spending time apart is also an important component of a happy relationship. It is healthy to have some separate interests and activities and to come back to the relationship refreshed and ready to share your experiences.

Missing your partner helps remind you how important he or she is to you. Stop and think: What most attracted you to your partner at the beginning? Take a fresh look at these differences.

Secrets of a happy relationship

Try to focus on their positive aspects and find an appreciation for those exact things that make the two of you different from one another. If both you and your partner stop trying to change each other, you will eliminate the source of most of your arguments.

For instance, instead of complaining how your partner never cleans out the dishwasher, try just doing it yourself once in awhile without complaint. Your partner will likely notice your effort and make more of an effort themselves around the house.

How to make a relationship last: 5 secrets backed by research

There may be goods upon secret you cannot agree. Rather than expending wasted energy, agree to disagree, and attempt to compromise or to work around the relationship. Two people cannot spend years together without having legitimate areas of disagreement.

Lack of communication is the one reason even good relationships fail. Just listen. When he or she is finished, summarize what you heard him or her say. This will take your partner off of the defensive, and make it easier for them to hear your thoughts and feelings.

Better this than to have him or her doubt your honesty. Mistrust is one of the key deal breakers in relationships.

The secret to a good relationship? discomfort.

And once trust is lost or broken, it can take a very long time to re-establish it in the relationship. The happiest couples are the ones where honesty is as natural and every day as breathing. Treating your sweetheart with respect is likely to get you the same in return. And regularly reminding them how much they mean to you good enrich your relationship in indescribable ways. In fact, your efforts may initially seem like planted seeds that never come up. If you maintain your efforts, however, you will likely reap what you sow. Emotional invalidation can be secret and unintentional.

Six secrets of great relationships

But understanding what emotional invalidation is can help you recognize it when it happens. Take the depression test to help determine if you have symptoms of depression and to assess if you should speak with a mental health care professional. People with ADHD may have lower levels of dopamine than neurotypical people. Some medications that treat ADHD may increase dopamine levels.

The 10 secrets of happy couples

We're answering PTSD questions you've been curious about, now that you know someone who has it. Even if that someone is you. Code-switching involves not only shifting the way we speak, but also the the way you behave and express yourself.

There are many reasons you may do it. How we talk about menstruation can affect our mental health and well-being.

We spoke with Dr. Flowers from Planned Parenthood. You've got hot flashes.

That should be enough. But you can't tell if the agitation, sleep trouble, and inattention is from your ADHD or menopause. There is a moment of realization when working with a person who seems nice on the surface that something is no. Inside Mental Health is an award-winning weekly podcast that approaches psychology and mental health in an accessible way.

6 surprising secrets to a happy relationship (that'll last decades)

Listen as our host Gabe…. Depression Test. Read this next. What Is Emotional Invalidation?

Depression Test Medically reviewed by N. Inside Mental Health: A Psych Central Podcast Inside Mental Health is an award-winning weekly podcast that approaches psychology and mental health in an accessible way.